The inner addict is playing the perpetual game of "what's it? Is that it?"
A substance
A relationship
A new experience
Enlightenment?
Maybe that is finally it!
The hope that seems to never die
Something has gotta be it
Something has gotta be the answer
Maybe if I just have more money more sex more power
That will be it
Because whatever it is, this can't be it
Please God let this not be it
The inner Addict is in a perpetual state of grieving
Grieving the cold hard truth
This is it
Its so fucking disappointing and depressing it can't accept it
It wont accept it
It can't accept it until it asks the question its been avoiding its whole life
What do I truly deeply want?
It hates this question because it truly has no idea
This is the question its whole search is dancing around pointing to and mocking
Thats why its constantly qualifying every experience with the question
Is this it?
Because if it actually sat down and asked itself the question, what do i truly deeply want, it would see clearly that nothing its sold itself on is actually it
That could take lifetimes
to get that brutally honest with itself
None of this shit is it
This is the truth that undermines its very existence
Its so goddamn disappointing too
Its not even cute anymore
It hates this truth with every fiber of its being
This is it
This is Enlightenment
This cant be it, it thinks
This cant be fucking it
And it grieves
It grieves and grieves and grieves
Its less grieving the death of the possibility that it might find it
Its less about that there might not be something out there that could actually be it
Deep down it knows it wont find it
Its more grieving the search
That's what the addict is unknowingly addicted to
Not the promise it will one day find it
But that the fantasy of one day finding it gives it license to keep searching
The dead fantasy makes its seeking feel fake
And its so fucking earnest to prove the possibility that it could one day find something that could be it
That possibility is life affirming
Its the search for meaning, its existential
Its almost poetic
When that possibility dies, any continued search for it feels like existential fraudulance
And the inner addict would rather be disenchanted disillusioned depressed or straight up dead than be an existential fraud
Because to the addict the search for meaning feels like authenticity
But at a certain point the addict gets real with itself
Gets real with its grief
The very real grief that I wont find it
It doesnt exist
Its not possible
Its a fantasy to help me feel better about the fact that this must be it and I hate it
The end of seeking is realizing this is it
It can be really fucking disappointing
This is it
This is Enlightenment
The search is completely futile
No thing can be it
So this must be it
Its almost nihalistic
But when the inner addict truly concedes
Because nihalism is half in this is it, half maybe im wrong and something else is actually it
No, when its absolutely clear this is it
Something else being it is obviously a lie im telling myself
Its heartbreaking at first
Its super depressing
But the deeper its surrendered into
This is it
A profound peace slowly and subtly begins to dawn
No fireworks
But slowly the inner addict gets on board
Maybe just this, isn't so bad
If this is it, what's possible here?
Every addict is an artist running away from their own possibility of being it
Because if this is it, whats possible in that?
The inner addict is the inner artist who hasn't come to terms with the quiet truth that This Is It
You dont get on the surfboard at first sight of the wave. You start slowly paddling. You prepare.
The excitement seeing a fresh new wave to ride and actually riding the wave are always offset. They are two different experiences.
If you stand on the board at the sight of the wave because you are so excited and impatient to ride the wave you wont have enough momentum to keep your balance.
You wont be leveraging the power of nature.
The excitement you feel is not the signal to act.
Once the excitement slightly wanes and you feel calmer, less intoxicated with excitement, that is when you start paddling.
When the wave starts to approach you wont be drunk with excitement.
You will be relaxed and present.
The excitement to ride the wave and actually riding the wave are two distinct experiences.
Hunger is the sight of a wave
Arousal is the sight of a wave
Being sleepy is the sight of a wave
Having to poop is the sight of a wave
If any of these have any urgency to them, that is a signal you have trained yourself to stand on the board at the sight of a wave.
Untrain yourself.
Hunger should be calm not urgent.
Arousal should be calm not urgent
Going to sleep should be calm not urgent.
Pooping should be calm not urgent
If any of these things feel urgent that is your cue to wait.
Food you can wait about 6 hours.
Sleep you can wait about an hour.
Sex you can wait about 30 minutes
Poop you can wait about 15 minutes.
If you wait and the wave never comes, it was a mirage.
Riding the wave and seeing the wave will always feel different.
Signal and response will always feel different.
The only exception to this is drinking water.
Water is the opposite.
If you are thirsty it means you have ignored previous waves.
Being thirsty is the last signal. Its when you see a wave in front of you not behind you.
Other than water, calibrated delay of response after the signal is the key to balance.
Nature loves balance and momentum makes balance easy.
This also applies to life's triggers. The trigger is the sight of the wave.
If you react instantly to the trigger you are standing on a surfboard with no momentum.
If you process the trigger first and take action when the wave is approaching, you will be leveraging the power of the universe to your advantage.
Lust is the absence of beauty. It is the appropriation of beauty.
Beauty does not exist in impressions alone. Beauty is like the gold that is only found through digging. Through staying. Through the courage to be fully naked through the storm.
You could have no clothes on but still be wearing a suit of armor.
You could be fully armored and be fully naked.
There is no such thing as the exploitation of beauty. Because at the level of exploitation beauty hasn't been reached yet.
When beauty is touched it is a resonance with the most fundamental attribute of what we are.
When beauty is truly touched there is no distinction between beauty and its admirers. They both collapse, they both vanish in the presence of Beauty.
Lust is a poor man's supper. It is the sheepish attempt to touch beauty only to cower before it is truly touched.
One is more susceptible to the waves standing on the shore than stepping into the ocean.
This is why lust feels shameful. Because it is a sheepish attempt to access one's own beauty. Its trying to fool the basis of what we are and it can never be done.
The basking of one's own beauty can seem to start through the recognition of another's beauty. But it always ends as a recognition of the beauty of the cosmos. The beauty of the one. The beauty of what we truly are.
Therefore lust is simply the shame of believing in the apparent otherness. The apparent self-ness.
Be conscious of the impressions you take in. Does it register as beauty? If so what can be wrong?
Does it register as otherness and therefore selfishness? Extracting something from an other for the self gain? Or is it simply a recognition of beauty?
Sirenism is always a two way street.
What you eat is also eating you.
Just be conscious.
The crucifixion of the sinner is the same sin.
Beauty is the recognition that the sinner still always deserves love.
Not to excuse any actions. There will always be proportional consequences.
But that has nothing to do with the original beauty. Thats so far besides the point.
Withholding beauty from yourself is the original sin.
Beauty is how the one makes love to itself.
The beast finds his beauty through the admiration of her beauty.
The beauty finds her beauty by the depth of the beasts admiration.
Both are free because both have the courage to settle for nothing but beauty.
And both dissolve into beauty, not into eachother.
The one who chooses to wear the devils collar is the one who chooses to not stay with beauty for its own selfish sake. To abandon beauty at the last moment for the sake of my pleasure alone.
At the core its a belief in me. A belief in otherness.
There is no such thing as my pleasure alone. That is the devil's collar. The collar that is too big that can be removed at any time.
There is nothing more pleasurable than beauty. Pleasure without beauty is a poor man's supper.
Beauty is the one thing you cannot buy.
Attempting to purchase beauty is self incrimination disguised as hedonism.
Its an admission into self hood. An admission into ignorance.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It precedes the eyes. And what precedes the eyes cant be touched let alone bought with gold.
So be naked in your recognition of beauty. And be conscious wherever you sheepishly cower from that which you are.
Remember
You always still deserve love.
We all always still deserve love.
No exceptions
Because being deserving of love isnt conditional on beauty.
Beauty is the recognition that deserving love was never even a question in the first place.
If it knew anything else for even a micro second, it would stop being the sun
It would stop shining
The solar system would collapse
The planets rely on the sun for one thing:
to only know himself
To only know the sun
The planets don’t take it personally that the sun doesn’t know them directly
The planets know the sun can’t know them and also be the sun, because it is the sun’s singular intense focus and knowledge of itself that illuminates the planets
The greatest love comes from the greatest detachment
The sun can only know the planets to the degree the planets know themselves.
The sun knows that is the original space where we all meet.
The sun knows that if it looks outside of itself to see the planets, it won’t find what they essentially are.
The only way the sun can find the true self of the planets he illuminates, is in their knowledge of themselves.
The closer they get to themselves the closer they get to being seen by the sun as their true self.
If the sun had a mouth, lips and a tongue, and the planets asked the sun what it calls itself, it would say “I am”.
The sun deeply and one-pointedly bathes in his own beauty, in his own glory, in his own being.
He does this knowing he is a model, an usher into the portal of each of our own beings. But this isn’t the reason he shines. What keeps his fire going is the joy of bathing in his own being.
This is what keeps him looking away from the planets and onto himself.
Looking towards himself is what allows him to see the planets as they essentially are.
The sun is blinded by his own light and therefore blind to the illusions of space and time.
He knows we all share the same being.
And he is unwaveringly there
If the sun could speak it would say I am.
Maybe he is too busy so intensely knowing himself that speaking it would be a folly.
Dark Crystal Academy
Intimidation is not a quality of Authority
If someone is in a position of Authority ie boss parent teacher and they use intimidation to try to control you
They are intimidated by you
Rebelling from their control by fighting or arguing with them is paradoxically choosing to let them dominate you
All they have is the bluff, the bate, the fake posture
True rebellion is living a good life
Loving yourself
What does that mean?
Only you know
True rebellion is ignoring their bluff
You want the cheat code?
Just tell them what you'd be happy to do
Otherwise just ignore them and watch them squirm
Its honestly hilarious
We're all experiencing a microcosm of what's happening in the world
Fighting fire with fire just feeds the fire
Thats what they want
Thats their bluff
If you fight fire with fire and the world burns they have plausible deniablity
But if you're at peace laughing at their bluff they are alone in their prison as it burns
Childhood is a prison
School is a prison
9-5 is a prison
But its only a prison when you refuse to be the prism
Let the light in and ignore everything else
You're the boss
Power is not an arrangement its how you carry yourself
Its what you choose to engage with and how you choose to engage with it
The greatest power requires the gentlest touch
2 days ago (edited) | [YT] | 1
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Dark Crystal Academy
The Inner Addict
The inner addict is playing the perpetual game of "what's it? Is that it?"
A substance
A relationship
A new experience
Enlightenment?
Maybe that is finally it!
The hope that seems to never die
Something has gotta be it
Something has gotta be the answer
Maybe if I just have more money more sex more power
That will be it
Because whatever it is, this can't be it
Please God let this not be it
The inner Addict is in a perpetual state of grieving
Grieving the cold hard truth
This is it
Its so fucking disappointing and depressing it can't accept it
It wont accept it
It can't accept it until it asks the question its been avoiding its whole life
What do I truly deeply want?
It hates this question because it truly has no idea
This is the question its whole search is dancing around pointing to and mocking
Thats why its constantly qualifying every experience with the question
Is this it?
Because if it actually sat down and asked itself the question, what do i truly deeply want, it would see clearly that nothing its sold itself on is actually it
That could take lifetimes
to get that brutally honest with itself
None of this shit is it
This is the truth that undermines its very existence
Its so goddamn disappointing too
Its not even cute anymore
It hates this truth with every fiber of its being
This is it
This is Enlightenment
This cant be it, it thinks
This cant be fucking it
And it grieves
It grieves and grieves and grieves
Its less grieving the death of the possibility that it might find it
Its less about that there might not be something out there that could actually be it
Deep down it knows it wont find it
Its more grieving the search
That's what the addict is unknowingly addicted to
Not the promise it will one day find it
But that the fantasy of one day finding it gives it license to keep searching
The dead fantasy makes its seeking feel fake
And its so fucking earnest to prove the possibility that it could one day find something that could be it
That possibility is life affirming
Its the search for meaning, its existential
Its almost poetic
When that possibility dies, any continued search for it feels like existential fraudulance
And the inner addict would rather be disenchanted disillusioned depressed or straight up dead than be an existential fraud
Because to the addict the search for meaning feels like authenticity
But at a certain point the addict gets real with itself
Gets real with its grief
The very real grief that I wont find it
It doesnt exist
Its not possible
Its a fantasy to help me feel better about the fact that this must be it and I hate it
The end of seeking is realizing this is it
It can be really fucking disappointing
This is it
This is Enlightenment
The search is completely futile
No thing can be it
So this must be it
Its almost nihalistic
But when the inner addict truly concedes
Because nihalism is half in this is it, half maybe im wrong and something else is actually it
No, when its absolutely clear this is it
Something else being it is obviously a lie im telling myself
Its heartbreaking at first
Its super depressing
But the deeper its surrendered into
This is it
A profound peace slowly and subtly begins to dawn
No fireworks
But slowly the inner addict gets on board
Maybe just this, isn't so bad
If this is it, what's possible here?
Every addict is an artist running away from their own possibility of being it
Because if this is it, whats possible in that?
The inner addict is the inner artist who hasn't come to terms with the quiet truth that This Is It
5 days ago (edited) | [YT] | 0
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Dark Crystal Academy
Signal and Response Delay
You dont get on the surfboard at first sight of the wave. You start slowly paddling. You prepare.
The excitement seeing a fresh new wave to ride and actually riding the wave are always offset. They are two different experiences.
If you stand on the board at the sight of the wave because you are so excited and impatient to ride the wave you wont have enough momentum to keep your balance.
You wont be leveraging the power of nature.
The excitement you feel is not the signal to act.
Once the excitement slightly wanes and you feel calmer, less intoxicated with excitement, that is when you start paddling.
When the wave starts to approach you wont be drunk with excitement.
You will be relaxed and present.
The excitement to ride the wave and actually riding the wave are two distinct experiences.
Hunger is the sight of a wave
Arousal is the sight of a wave
Being sleepy is the sight of a wave
Having to poop is the sight of a wave
If any of these have any urgency to them, that is a signal you have trained yourself to stand on the board at the sight of a wave.
Untrain yourself.
Hunger should be calm not urgent.
Arousal should be calm not urgent
Going to sleep should be calm not urgent.
Pooping should be calm not urgent
If any of these things feel urgent that is your cue to wait.
Food you can wait about 6 hours.
Sleep you can wait about an hour.
Sex you can wait about 30 minutes
Poop you can wait about 15 minutes.
If you wait and the wave never comes, it was a mirage.
Riding the wave and seeing the wave will always feel different.
Signal and response will always feel different.
The only exception to this is drinking water.
Water is the opposite.
If you are thirsty it means you have ignored previous waves.
Being thirsty is the last signal. Its when you see a wave in front of you not behind you.
Other than water, calibrated delay of response after the signal is the key to balance.
Nature loves balance and momentum makes balance easy.
This also applies to life's triggers. The trigger is the sight of the wave.
If you react instantly to the trigger you are standing on a surfboard with no momentum.
If you process the trigger first and take action when the wave is approaching, you will be leveraging the power of the universe to your advantage.
Pause or get pitted 🤙
2 weeks ago (edited) | [YT] | 1
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Dark Crystal Academy
Lust is the absence of beauty. It is the appropriation of beauty.
Beauty does not exist in impressions alone. Beauty is like the gold that is only found through digging. Through staying. Through the courage to be fully naked through the storm.
You could have no clothes on but still be wearing a suit of armor.
You could be fully armored and be fully naked.
There is no such thing as the exploitation of beauty. Because at the level of exploitation beauty hasn't been reached yet.
When beauty is touched it is a resonance with the most fundamental attribute of what we are.
When beauty is truly touched there is no distinction between beauty and its admirers. They both collapse, they both vanish in the presence of Beauty.
Lust is a poor man's supper. It is the sheepish attempt to touch beauty only to cower before it is truly touched.
One is more susceptible to the waves standing on the shore than stepping into the ocean.
This is why lust feels shameful. Because it is a sheepish attempt to access one's own beauty. Its trying to fool the basis of what we are and it can never be done.
The basking of one's own beauty can seem to start through the recognition of another's beauty. But it always ends as a recognition of the beauty of the cosmos. The beauty of the one. The beauty of what we truly are.
Therefore lust is simply the shame of believing in the apparent otherness. The apparent self-ness.
Be conscious of the impressions you take in. Does it register as beauty? If so what can be wrong?
Does it register as otherness and therefore selfishness? Extracting something from an other for the self gain? Or is it simply a recognition of beauty?
Sirenism is always a two way street.
What you eat is also eating you.
Just be conscious.
The crucifixion of the sinner is the same sin.
Beauty is the recognition that the sinner still always deserves love.
Not to excuse any actions. There will always be proportional consequences.
But that has nothing to do with the original beauty. Thats so far besides the point.
Withholding beauty from yourself is the original sin.
Beauty is how the one makes love to itself.
The beast finds his beauty through the admiration of her beauty.
The beauty finds her beauty by the depth of the beasts admiration.
Both are free because both have the courage to settle for nothing but beauty.
And both dissolve into beauty, not into eachother.
The one who chooses to wear the devils collar is the one who chooses to not stay with beauty for its own selfish sake. To abandon beauty at the last moment for the sake of my pleasure alone.
At the core its a belief in me. A belief in otherness.
There is no such thing as my pleasure alone. That is the devil's collar. The collar that is too big that can be removed at any time.
There is nothing more pleasurable than beauty. Pleasure without beauty is a poor man's supper.
Beauty is the one thing you cannot buy.
Attempting to purchase beauty is self incrimination disguised as hedonism.
Its an admission into self hood. An admission into ignorance.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It precedes the eyes. And what precedes the eyes cant be touched let alone bought with gold.
So be naked in your recognition of beauty. And be conscious wherever you sheepishly cower from that which you are.
Remember
You always still deserve love.
We all always still deserve love.
No exceptions
Because being deserving of love isnt conditional on beauty.
Beauty is the recognition that deserving love was never even a question in the first place.
3 weeks ago (edited) | [YT] | 2
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Dark Crystal Academy
EVERYTHING IS JUST AN APPEARANCE IN CONSCIOUSNESS
These words you're reading.
The reaction to these words.
The sense of self that reacts.
The one who gets it or doesn't get it.
Its all appearing in consciousness
Your idea of who is writing this.
Who that person is.
Who that person is relative to the person you think you are.
Your acceptance or judgment of these words.
The acceptor or judger of these words
It's all appearing in consciousness
Anybody you could call they
Anybody you could call me
Its all appearing in consciousness
Insecurity pain elation
Its all appearing in consciousness
Strategy and the strategizer
The spiritual one. The awake one. The asleep one.
All appearing in consciousness
All just images on the screen
images that could not be seen without the screen
All of the varieties of apparent objects and subjects are completely dependent on consciousness
All versions of you are just appearances within you
Its always been a one (wo)man show.
1 month ago | [YT] | 1
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Dark Crystal Academy
The sun does not know how its light is received.
It barely somehow knows its light IS received.
The only thing the sun knows is shining
If it knew anything else for even a micro second, it would stop being the sun
It would stop shining
The solar system would collapse
The planets rely on the sun for one thing:
to only know himself
To only know the sun
The planets don’t take it personally that the sun doesn’t know them directly
The planets know the sun can’t know them and also be the sun, because it is the sun’s singular intense focus and knowledge of itself that illuminates the planets
The greatest love comes from the greatest detachment
The sun can only know the planets to the degree the planets know themselves.
The sun knows that is the original space where we all meet.
The sun knows that if it looks outside of itself to see the planets, it won’t find what they essentially are.
The only way the sun can find the true self of the planets he illuminates, is in their knowledge of themselves.
The closer they get to themselves the closer they get to being seen by the sun as their true self.
If the sun had a mouth, lips and a tongue, and the planets asked the sun what it calls itself, it would say “I am”.
The sun deeply and one-pointedly bathes in his own beauty, in his own glory, in his own being.
He does this knowing he is a model, an usher into the portal of each of our own beings. But this isn’t the reason he shines. What keeps his fire going is the joy of bathing in his own being.
This is what keeps him looking away from the planets and onto himself.
Looking towards himself is what allows him to see the planets as they essentially are.
The sun is blinded by his own light and therefore blind to the illusions of space and time.
He knows we all share the same being.
And he is unwaveringly there
If the sun could speak it would say I am.
Maybe he is too busy so intensely knowing himself that speaking it would be a folly.
But if he could speak he would say I am.
To meet him in the space we all share.
To know thyself as he knows himself?
The light that he shines is his testimony.
As Crowley said, everyone is a star.
“Shine on”
-The kooks
5 months ago | [YT] | 0
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Dark Crystal Academy
https://youtu.be/Yn8GlIq45H0?si=ScaoY...
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Dark Crystal Academy
7 months ago | [YT] | 1
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Dark Crystal Academy
If the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know, than the god you know is worse than the god you don’t know
🤾🏻♂️🤸🏻♀️
8 months ago | [YT] | 0
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Dark Crystal Academy
🧃🙏
https://youtu.be/itv_peD17Zw?si=kFksk...
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