ANNA LECAT

𝗘𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗼𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝘄𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗲, 𝗜 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝗺𝘆𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝘁 𝗮 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗿 𝗶𝗻𝘃𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗮 𝗱𝗶𝗳𝗳𝗶𝗰𝘂𝗹𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗳𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗹𝗶𝗮𝗿 𝘁𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝘆 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝘀𝘁.

Most of us were taught that if we care about a person, we should keep things calm. We smooth over the tension and move on, hoping the discomfort will just fade. But in my work with founders and couples, I have observed that this instinct is actually what creates the very distance we are trying to avoid.

When we postpone the topics that matter, we begin to pay what we call the Relationship Tax. It is the hidden cost that shows up at the office as slower decisions and unnamed misalignment. At home, it feels like a quiet weight, where we absorb small frustrations until the emotional space grows so wide we can no longer remember where the closeness first began to leak away.

I am heading to EO Orange County on February 19th to facilitate our workshop, Deepening Relationships in Life & Leadership. We are going to spend the afternoon together looking at The Relationship Advantage. This is a practice built on one realization: strong relationships do not just happen, they are built through how we choose to handle those moments of tension.

𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙠𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙥 𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙩𝙬𝙤 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙨:

𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝟭: 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘋𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘪𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘧𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘵: 𝘞𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘵𝘩 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘢𝘹 𝘸𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘱𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱 𝘢𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵.

𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝟮: 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘍𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘓𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘚𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘙𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱𝘴: 𝘞𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘩𝘺𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘶𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘛𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘰 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘦 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘳𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺.

I am looking forward to being back in the California sun with this community. My hope is that we leave the room with one question clear in our minds: What is the conversation you will no longer postpone?

I will see you all there.

#EOOC #TheRelationshipAdvantage #LovingConflict

1 day ago | [YT] | 2

ANNA LECAT

We often talk about the teenage years as something to "survive." We brace ourselves for the drama and the distance because we assume that conflict is just the price of admission.

My conversation with Colleen O'Grady challenged that entire narrative.
Colleen is the host of Power Your Parenting and the author of Dial Down the Drama. She works with parents who are tired of the friction. These parents know deep down that they don't want to just "manage" their child. They want to really know them.

We explored a different perspective. What if the conflict with your teen isn't a sign that things are breaking? What if it is a sign that they are becoming who they are?

We discussed how the "Loving Conflict" framework applies perfectly to this dynamic.

Instead of trying to control the storm or shut it down, we talked about the power of staying present. When a parent can hold their ground with warmth without joining the chaos, the entire dynamic shifts. The conflict stops being a battle of wills and becomes a doorway to a much deeper and more honest relationship.

It was a joy to connect with Colleen. Her wisdom is grounded and real. She reminds us that our primary job isn't to fix our kids. It is to stay connected to them.

If you are looking for a way to turn tension into trust with your teen, I hope you will listen.

I have put the link to the full episode in the comments below.

Thank you, Colleen O'Grady, for such a fun and grounded conversation.

#ParentingTeens #LovingConflict #FamilyConnection

1 day ago | [YT] | 1

ANNA LECAT

A mother came to one of my workshops recently with a heavy heart.

She and her teenage son were stuck. Every interaction turned into a battle or a slammed door. She felt like she was watching him drift away and she didn't know how to pull him back.

She wanted the perfect words to make him listen. She wanted a strategy to fix the behavior.

But I didn't give her a list of things to say.

Instead, we looked at how she was entering the room. She was entering with answers when she needed to enter with questions. She was listening to correct him rather than to understand him.

She sent me a message weeks later.

"We had a real conversation. For the first time in months, he told me what he actually needs."

That is the work. It is not about agreeing on everything or never fighting again. It is about hearing each other so clearly that the relationship survives the disagreement.

#Parenting #LovingConflict #Teenagers

3 days ago | [YT] | 4

ANNA LECAT

I sat with a couple recently who love each other deeply. However, there is a heavy distance between them. They have stopped reaching out to each other physically.

Most people would assume the desire is gone or that the fire has died out. In my work, I have noticed this is rarely the case. It is a mistaken assumption we make when we find ourselves in this standoff.

The issue is not a lack of wanting. It is the terror of being the one to initiate.

Reaching out first means showing your belly. It is an act of pure vulnerability. We are terrified of the rejection, so we wait for our partner to be brave first. We stay frozen, hoping for a sign, while the distance only grows.

When we peeled back the layers to find what was actually holding them back, we found the true culprit.

It was pride.

Our pride whispers that initiating is a weakness. It tells us not to move unless we are certain we will be received. Recognizing this is only the first half of the solution; the second half is doing the courageous work of lowering that defense.

This is the heart of my practice. I help people return to honesty with themselves so they can rebuild a deep connection with their partner. If you are stuck in this silence and need a guide to find your way back, I am here. annalecat.com/1-1-sessions/

#Intimacy #Vulnerability #Relationships

4 days ago | [YT] | 1

ANNA LECAT

We often think of conflict as a failure. I have observed that it is actually a doorway, but only if we have the tools to walk through it.

As I prepare for the workshop tonight at EO San Francisco, I am sitting with a few questions. I often invite participants to look at these when they feel stuck in a recurring pattern. If you are navigating a difficult relationship right now, perhaps one of these will land for you:

𝗣𝗮𝗿𝘁 1️⃣: 𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗹𝗶𝗰𝘁

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘧𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘵 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴?

𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘴, 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦? 𝘋𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘦𝘧𝘦𝘯𝘥, 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘪𝘯, 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘸, 𝘧𝘪𝘹, 𝘰𝘳 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦?

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘵: 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵, 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦𝘥, 𝘰𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦?

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘥𝘶𝘦, 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘰𝘳 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮?

𝗣𝗮𝗿𝘁 2️⃣: 𝗖𝗹𝗼𝘀𝗲𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗜𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗮𝗰𝘆

𝘋𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱𝘴?

𝘞𝘩𝘰 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸?

𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘫𝘰𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱𝘴?

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘯?

In my work, I use the physical language of Argentine Tango to explore these questions. When we dance, we cannot outsource presence. We have to learn when to lead and when to follow. We have to feel the axis of the other person.

I am looking forward to seeing what we create together tonight. We are going to practice these movements until they feel natural. I will see you at Levels.

#RelationshipAdvantage #EOSF #LovingConflict

1 week ago | [YT] | 3

ANNA LECAT

The San Francisco fog is rolling over the hills this morning exactly the way I remember it. I am sitting with my tea, feeling the cool air, and my heart is very full.

I lived in this city for twelve years. This is where I raised my children, built my businesses, and found a community that shaped me. Tonight, I am heading to the EO San Francisco chapter at Levels to facilitate a workshop on The Relationship Advantage.

Walking into a room filled with so many old friends is deeply meaningful. These are the people who saw me grow, and tonight I get to share what I have observed about the cost of avoided conversations. In my work, I've noticed that every hard talk costs us energy, but every one we skip costs us trust.

I am not here to give a lecture. We are going to practice together. We will look at how to stay grounded when tension rises and how to lead with a voice that is soft but has high volume. I am very nervous, as I always am before sharing something I care about so deeply, but mostly I am grateful to be back home.

#EOSF #LovingConflict #SanFrancisco

1 week ago | [YT] | 1

ANNA LECAT

I was twenty-two, sitting in a conference room in Shanghai, when a seasoned American executive slammed his fist onto the table and shouted.

My stomach tightened because I was the bridge between these two worlds, and that bridge was shaking. I felt certain the deal was over. I had been taught that being professional meant keeping emotions hidden, and I saw that outburst as a total failure of control.

Our partner, Mr. Zhang, sat perfectly still and watched. He did not see a threat. He saw information. He told me later that if someone cares enough to lose their composure, they care enough to be a partner. In my work, I have observed that when we try to make our professional lives perfectly polished and numb, we often strip away the trust.

I wrote about why the heat of a conflict is often the very thing that builds the bridge where politeness failed. Read the full version on my Substack. The link is in my bio.



#connection #collaboration #lovingconflict

1 week ago | [YT] | 2

ANNA LECAT

I have been thinking a lot about the different ways we handle death.

I remember visiting a cemetery in China. It wasn't a place of heavy, dark mourning. It was a celebration. Families brought food. They smiled. They told their ancestors the news.

They were celebrating the life that was.

In the West, we often get paralyzed by the end. We fear it so much we go silent.

My dear friend told me today, "When I go, I want a party. Don't be somber. I want you to celebrate."

Death is part of the deal we make with life. I want us to be able to talk about it without fear.


#Grief #Culture #CelebrationOfLife

1 week ago | [YT] | 2

ANNA LECAT

I have noticed that the bars are much emptier after work these days.

The data confirms what we are seeing; we are simply drinking less. While this is wonderful for our health, it has created an unexpected vacuum in our social lives.

We have forgotten how to be naked with each other emotionally without a glass of wine in our hand.

Alcohol used to be our social glue because it lowered the tension, and without it, we often feel awkward and choose to stay home.

We need new rituals. We need "sober intimacy," which is the ability to look someone in the eye and have a real conversation without chemical courage. It feels vulnerable at first, yet that is where the real friendship actually starts.

You can read more about this shift in the comments.


#SoberLife #AuthenticConnection #Loneliness

1 week ago | [YT] | 6

ANNA LECAT

Charles Dickens was born on this day in 1812. He taught the world to have compassion for the poor and defined the spirit of generosity for generations with A Christmas Carol, yet he also tried to have his wife of twenty-two years committed to an asylum so he could be with a younger woman.

It is deeply unsettling to reconcile the man who opened our collective hearts with the man who so coldly closed his own.

We naturally want our icons to be whole because we want the person who writes beautifully about love to practice it perfectly in their kitchen, but the reality is that they usually don't.

If I am honest, I don't always either.

I facilitate workshops on deepening connections and stand on stages talking about "Loving Conflict," yet there are certainly moments at home when I withdraw or choose being right over being connected simply because I am tired.

This gap between who we are in public and who we are in private is exactly where the real work lives.

Dickens reminds me today that talent is not the same as character. Writing about goodness is infinitely easier than being good to the people we live with day in and day out. I am not interested in judging him today, but I am interested in closing that gap in myself.

It leaves me with a hard and necessary question.

Where am I preaching connection while practicing distance?


#Integrity #Authenticity #LovingConflict

1 week ago | [YT] | 1