Justin Sunseri

💡 3 Simple Ways to "Settle Your Water" (Stoic + Nervous System Wisdom)

Epictetus taught that our soul is like water: when it's agitated, we can't see clearly. Here's how to find your calm:

1️⃣ Simple Mindfulness: When drinking tea, REALLY taste it. Focus on one sense at a time. This brings safety into your nervous system.

2️⃣ Natural Breathing: After mindfulness, just notice your next breath. Don't control it. Your body knows what to do.

3️⃣ Honest Acknowledgment: Recognize the pains you're carrying. We're not pretending things don't matter. We're building capacity to meet reality as it is.

🌊 The goal isn't to force calm or be perfectly virtuous. It's to do the deeper work of steadying your inner state so you can respond more wisely.

Which of these resonates most with you right now?

3 days ago | [YT] | 2

Justin Sunseri

🤔 The Stoics got something backwards...

They taught us to notice our reactions, pause, think logically, and then choose virtuous behavior.

But what if your nervous system is already in defense mode? What if you're in flight/fight, shutdown, or freeze?

Pure willpower and logic can't override a dysregulated nervous system. That's why Stoic practices sometimes feel like fighting against yourself.

The missing piece: Calm your autonomic state FIRST. Settle the water. Then the appearances (your initial impressions of reality) become much less intense and easier to work with.

🌊 As Epictetus said: "When the water is moved, the ray also seems to be moved, yet it is not moved."

Reality doesn't change - but your capacity to perceive it clearly depends on your inner state.

Have you noticed this in your own life? When you're calm vs. activated?

4 days ago | [YT] | 3

Justin Sunseri

🌊 Epictetus said: "Such as is a dish of water, such is the soul."

When your nervous system is activated (flight, fight, shutdown, freeze), how clearly can you think through problems?

1 week ago | [YT] | 1

Justin Sunseri

When a conversation gets heated and the other person is angry, what is your most common initial reaction?
(Based on this short - youtube.com/shorts/HRUFjrm0fX...)

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 4

Justin Sunseri

Have you ever been in a conversation where the other person's anger made it impossible to continue? It's a tough spot to be in.

It's possible to hold compassion for someone's struggle while also protecting your own peace. In fact, setting a healthy boundary is one of the most powerful safety cues you can offer in a relationship.

When you can calmly say, "I hear that you're upset, and I'm not going to continue this conversation while you're talking to me this way," you are demonstrating self-regulation.

For the person expressing anger, this boundary might initially feel like rejection or abandonment. But that feeling is theirs to process. Your assertive refusal to participate in a hurtful dynamic is a clear signal that you are a safe and regulated individual.

Healthy boundaries aren't about punishing the other person; they're about preserving the connection by refusing to let it be damaged by dysregulation. By holding your ground with compassion, you create an opportunity for a more regulated and respectful conversation later.

Let's discuss in the comments:

How do you handle setting boundaries when someone is upset? Share your thoughts and experiences below! 👇

#DysregulationInRelationships #NervousSystemRegulation #RelationshipAdvice

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 5

Justin Sunseri

Most people fall into a middle ground—some self-regulation, but not truly thriving. 🎯

You're getting by. Operating on the fringes of your nervous system's capacity. Always on the edge, but not quite there. Maybe a panic attack here and there, but you function. You have enough regulation.

Believe it or not, everyone has some level of stuckness.

Everyone can benefit from learning new self-regulation skills—literally everyone. Even if you wouldn't say you have "trauma."

Most people have enough safety in their systems to learn new self-regulation skills, such as pendulation. And you'd be absolutely shocked to see how much pain, resentment, stress, hurt, and malcontent you're actually holding onto.

It's not always obvious. It doesn't always feel like a crisis. But it's there—weighing on you, shaping your relationships, limiting your potential.

What would shift if you released what you've been carrying?

The Self-Regulation Coach app is out now and the Black Friday sale ends today!
👉 studio.com/justin/self-regulation-coach

2 months ago | [YT] | 6

Justin Sunseri

Yeah, this sounds weird. 🤔 I know. But stick with me.

Most of us are taught to manage our emotions by pushing them away. Explain them. Minimize them. Move on.

But what if I told you that's exactly what keeps us stuck? 🔒

Here's what actually works: Pay attention to your anger. 🔥 Your stress. 😰 Your sadness. 💙 Not to wallow in it, but to listen to it.

When you stop rejecting your emotions and start paying attention to them, something shifts. Your emotions become a portal to your body's experience. ✨ And when you connect mindfully with what your body is actually experiencing, your state begins to change.

As your state changes, the emotions soften. They resolve. They make sense. 🧘

This is the foundation of nervous system regulation—not fighting what you feel, but getting curious about it. 🔍

The practice: Next time you notice strong emotion, pause. ⏸️ Instead of explaining it away or pushing it down, ask: "What is my body trying to tell me right now?" 👂

That's the portal opening. 🚪✨

2 months ago | [YT] | 5

Justin Sunseri

Yeah, therapy involves discussing difficult things. That's normal.

But your therapist shouldn't be pushing you into those conversations or shaming you when you're not ready. I've heard too many horror stories.

My recommendation: Approach difficult topics only when you're ready. And you'll know you're ready because:

✅ You're anchored in your safety state
✅ You feel open or curious about exploring anything the present moment brings, including the difficult stuff.

That's it. That's the signal.

If your therapist is pressuring you or making you feel bad for not diving into the deep end immediately, that's a red flag. Therapy should feel collaborative, not coercive.

3 months ago | [YT] | 9

Justin Sunseri

When do you think should discuss difficult topics in therapy?

3 months ago | [YT] | 0

Justin Sunseri

Last week, I asked you, "How often do you pay attention to how you feel?"

Here’s what you shared:

46% check in with your emotions daily. 🎉
29% wait until emotions get really big to pay attention.
14% journal or reflect every now and again.
11% avoid or stuff feelings down at all costs.

My biggest takeaway? For many, our feelings have to get really loud before we listen.

If you're in that group, please know that this is incredibly common. We're often not taught how to listen to our bodies when the signals are subtle. We wait for the "check engine" light to flash red.

But what if we could catch things sooner?

The goal isn't to be perfectly in tune 24/7. It's about building the habit of gentle, consistent check-ins. This is how we build trust with our nervous system and cultivate that "felt safety" I talk about so often.

🧠 Actionable Tip: The "Micro Check-In"

If a daily check-in feels like too much, try this:

Set one alarm on your phone for some time today.
When it goes off, pause for just 30 seconds.
Ask yourself: "What is one thing I'm feeling in my body right now?" (e.g., "tension in my shoulders," "warmth in my chest," "butterflies in my stomach").

That's it. No need to analyze it or fix it. Just notice. This is the first step to turning down the volume on overwhelming emotions before they take over.

💬 For those who check in daily, what's one small thing that helped you build that habit?

3 months ago | [YT] | 4